Tobi, Ty, Grant, Lawson, Andrew, Alex, Luke, Matthew, Maxim (just to name a few) are all names of amazing boys I know.  They are energetic, intelligent, creative, clever and funny.  To the common eye, they are perhaps schoolboys no different from the next—goofing around and playing with their friends.  Settle in to casually watch their interactions and you will see the typical teasing you would expect…boys will be boys, right?  Wrong.  At least in the classic sense of that phrase—which has come to be known as the catch-all, don’t-blame-them-they’re-just-boys phrase used to excuse bad behavior.  These boys have all the classic traits of boys (I need not explain myself, right?).  However, they don’t seem to  engage in bullying and heartless teasing.  They don’t take joy in excluding the “odd man out”, or the one who seems a bit “different”—rather I have watched them easily include and invite a new kid into their playing, as if he (or she for that matter) has always been part of the group. 

How can this be?  Who is responsible for this unique dynamic between otherwise “typical” boys?  It’s not a “who” exactly, it’s a “what”—a perk of homeschooling outside of the machine that public school has become.  Homeschooled boys I have observed exhibit a distinct lack of knowledge about intentionally treating their friends badly.   And they also exhibit a few other great qualities:  generosity, a sincere interest in their friends (even when their interests differ from their own), the ability to hug their moms for a few more years <big smile>, the freedom to be themselves (without feeling weird, excluded or teased if this doesn’t jive with some seemingly universal definition of “normal”), and a kind-hearted-sweet-innocence that usually wouldn’t be cool – but is…truly, truly is.

These are just some of the gifts the oft-misunderstood and sometimes difficult-to-pull-off world of homeschooling provides.  Before you begin to be offended by my comparison to public schooled versus home schooled boys, please know that I’ve had boys in both systems since the 1980’s.  These are differences I’ve observed, not created in my mind.  Additionally, I know scads of public schooled boys who do not participate in the atrocious behaviors I’ve witnessed through the years—this post is not meant to plunk them into some hopeless group of hapless boys. 

My purpose in writing this is to highlight a beautiful perk…the fact that most of the homeschool moms I talk to do not have to deal with scads of teasing and confidence-blasting behaviors—simply put, it’s not a topic that comes up.  We have other issues…believe me—LOL!

Why do we say that and then never actually do it?  “Even pulling teeth would be easier than (insert frustrating thing here)!”  Even pulling teeth would be easier than homeschooling!  And here I sit, homeschooling.  Why?  Why not just pull the blasted teeth (mine, not his)?  Because even today, when he can’t seem to focus on the simplest of tasks, I believe that our decision is sound. 

Perhaps it is the teacher (me) who is flawed, who needs flogging (don’t worry, I don’t ever flog him), who needs to practice what I preach, who needs to pray, who needs to prepare better, who needs to be less selfish…who needs to take a gigantic deep breath and remember what it’s like to be six years old.

And you know…when I stop to really think about that (like right now), it’s such a sobering thought to realize that I’m treating him like he’s twelve—expecting so much and providing so little in comparison.  This is first grade.  Say it again:  “FIRST GRADE!!”

I’m looking around the house and notice that there are not many surfaces that are not filled with his art, and as I tune into who my son really is, I realize that the worst thing I can do for him is hand him an assignment (no matter how clearly defined or within his grasp), and expect him to stay focused on it.  Among his myriad gifts, this is not one of them (focusing on something that doesn’t interest him).  Come to think of it, I don’t know many, if any, people who have that particular gift.  Gifts have to do with passions, right?

There simply must be a way to focus on these while also providing a solid education that leaves my son’s mommy with a mouthful of teeth.  I think I’ll go chew on that thought for a while…